Star charts don’t work after a while.
Giving your children choices doesn’t mean they will do what you would prefer them to. And if you listen with empathy, you might be surprised at what they will or will not do, given the choice.
I’ve been learning NVC and have been using a lot of the techniques on my kids. This article comes pretty close to explaining NVC techniques when used with children when faced with asking them to do what might seem boring or mundane. I’m not too sure about the quote at the top of the article though… Seems to imply that if people don’t try to keep busy then they “tend to” laziness etc. In NVC we learn that we do things that give us joy – we call those “life-serving”. And what is joyful and life-serving to us differs and is a matter of individual preference, but basically we also believe that by developing our empathy and honesty, and rejecting manipulation and aggression against others, we learn to find ways to live life harmoniously and with joyous love.
I just felt I had to add that last paragraph in in case people think – well, if we allow people to do whatever they like, then wouldn’t they just become hedonistic and hurt others for their own pleasure etc.etc. Well, no. NVC if practiced as it is taught, will develop us all into more empathic compassionate human beings, so the idea of doing something for personal enjoyment even at the expense of hurting others would not be the action of choice for any NVC practitioner as in NVC we first try to seek ways that will meet each party’s needs, failing which, we will have to sadly and compassionately try to see if there is any other way.